Realizations
by Achilles1011
Summary: An alternate ending to the scene in "La Fae Epoque" where Bo attempts to awaken Lauren from Dyson's memories and comes to a few realizations along the way.
1. Realizations of Need

Bo shot up in bed glancing around, she caught sight of blonde hair fanned out the pillow beside her. Lauren.

She remembered, Lauren had appeared in Dyson's mind after Lauren… no it had been Flora not Lauren, had died. She hadn't been able to believe her eyes. She had just witnessed the woman she loved die, and yet there she was with her, in the clothing she had just left her in.

Wait. Lauren had appeared in Dyson's memory. Oh no. Human's can't… Lauren what did you do? She could die. Lauren could die. She had to get Lauren out, she had to get her out now!

"No. No. A human can't be in there." Bo said aloud as she scrambled over and tried to shake Lauren awake. "Lauren." She tried calling the blonde's name. The red string, she needed to get it off of her now. She quickly scrambled towards Lauren's ankle, determined to get the string off of her.

Just as she was about to untie it she looked up and saw the message written on her mirror in bright red lipstick and capital letters.

_DON'T CUT THE RED STRING_

She glanced over at Lauren, what was she supposed to do now? Bo quickly began to pull the LED's off of her face and chest. She needed to come up with something, there had to be some way to connect to Lauren, and there had to be some way to save her. She had just found Lauren again; she could not loose her, not now, not yet, not when they had just come back together. Not before she could tell Lauren she loved her again. There still so much they needed to do, so much they needed to talk about. So much she needed to apologize for, and she needed to tell Lauren, she needed to tell Lauren that she was her choice.

Come on, Bo think, there has to be something you can do.

"Don't cut the red string." She heard Lauren murmur out in a sleepy tone. Yes, helpful, thank-you Doctor Obvious.

What would Lauren do if the situation was reversed? Oh who was she kidding Lauren wouldn't have allowed herself to get into this situation to begin with. Bo looked over at Lauren, she looked more like she was asleep then she was caught in someone else's mind.

How could she bring back Lauren? There had to be something. Bo pulled herself back up to lie next to Lauren, her body half hovering over Lauren's own.

Despite the circumstances, Lauren looked beautiful, she looked so beautiful and so alive. Unlike what she had seen in Dyson's memory, where she'd had to watch her die, had to watch her become a monster. Just like the lover's who reminded her so much of Lauren had each time, all of the love stories she had been shown were her and Lauren, always her and Lauren.

She couldn't loose Lauren. Not here, not to this, not by Lauren sacrificing herself to save Bo. She couldn't loose Lauren like this. She couldn't loose Lauren at all. She watched for a moment as Lauren's chest rose and fell. She was still alive, she wasn't like Flora, at least not yet. Come on Bo think of something, there has to be something that you can do.

Bo glanced down at Lauren again, reminding herself that Lauren was still breathing, still alive. She wasn't dead, not like in Dyson's memories. No here Lauren look tranquil… almost like a sleeping princess. Sleeping Princess. True Love's kiss. A fairytale, but what has learned with her Fae if nothing else, that sometimes the impossible is real? The idea was insane, improbable, and the concept more then likely unreal. But she loved Lauren, and she could not loose her, not here, not today, not to this. She couldn't loose her, she couldn't and she wouldn't allow this to be what took Lauren from her!

And at this point what could kissing her hurt?

At least if she lost Lauren there would be one last memory, one last beautiful moment. One last kiss on the lips of the person who meant so much to her in this world. One last memory before she lost Lauren to death, or insanity. One last memory of those warm lips pressed to her own. Bo leaned over and kissed Lauren on the lips.

At first she didn't get any response, Lauren's lips were slack against her own. Bo felt her heart clench, this idea had truly been insane. She decided to allow herself to kiss Lauren for a few moments longer before she pulled away. But a moment later she felt a hand come up to cup her cheek, she felt the lips against her own starting to respond.

It had worked. It had honestly worked, or it was just a coincidence and Lauren had managed to sever her own string. But still either way, Lauren was responding, she was moving. Bo could feel relief coursing through her, she wasn't going to loose Lauren today. Lauren was alive, and she was responding. She most likely knew where she was. There was still a chance, still time for them to be again, for her whole family to be together again.

She pulled away for a moment, only for the hand she had felt come to rest on the back of her head, guide her lips back to Lauren's, who was lifting her head to meet her.

It was a soft and gentle kiss, full of meaning. Oh god, she had nearly lost Lauren. She felt Lauren pull away from her a few seconds later. Her brown eyes open and big, they were so full of concern and worry, maybe even a few hints of tears.

"I cut the string." She heard Lauren say, her voice soft, a little weak. But still here, still alive, still talking. Oh thank god. Bo didn't know what to say. The emotions that were coursing through her. The relief at knowing that Lauren was alive, and that she was here with here, mind fully intact, alive breathing, and here with her. She was happy because she knew what she could do to save Dyson, she knew what they needed to go retrieve to prove his innocence. She was more happy because Lauren was here, safe, and alive. Anger at Lauren for nearly sacrificing herself in order to save her, again.

Love though, love was probably the most overwhelming emotion that she was feeling in the moment. She couldn't imagine what would have happened if she had lost Lauren. Loosing Lauren, the idea was like ripping her own heart out. Stupid, how could you be so stupid.

Who was she calling stupid? Herself or Lauren?

"Bo? Are you still you?" Bo couldn't respond. She didn't know what to say. Was she still herself after all that had happened? Was she still the same person she used to be? No, she wasn't. Something was wrong, something was slipping. She felt angry all the time, mad at the world. Doing things that were so out of character for her.

Using Dyson, and leading him on. Bo glanced down at Lauren underneath her. She couldn't loose either of them. She loved them both. But right here and right now, she knew. She loved Dyson, but she was in love with Lauren. She couldn't live without either of them, she needed them both in her life. But if she lost Lauren? That was it. She would loose her mind, become consumed by anger and by grief. She was in love with Lauren in a way that she had never loved anyone. And it hurt.

"Say something, please?" Lauren's tone was soft, and desperate. She must be so worried, so afraid that she had lost her mind. The look in Lauren's eyes. She looked so sad, so desperate, so worried. She took a breath before speaking, trying not be overwhelmed with her own emotions

There was something about those words sounded so familiar, the look in Lauren's eyes was familiar too. A memory came to the surface of her mind. The words she had spoken when Lauren had stopped talking to her after she had told her about Dyson, after she had told Lauren what had happened. The look Lauren had gotten in her eyes, it was the same look she had worn then, only instead of anger and hardness in her eyes, there was softness and worry.

Instead of turning her away, instead of breaking up with her. Lauren had told her that she loved her for the first time, willingly and intentionally. Not like the first time Lauren had confessed to her in the heat of the moment. That time it had been deliberate, it had been calculated and the only thing to say in that moment.

There were so many things she could say. So many things that she wanted to say, but none of them would be enough. No, she knew what she needed to say. If Lauren had echoed her, then this time she would echo Lauren. She needed to tell the blonde that she loved her. There was so much else she wanted to say, but it was never enough, it would never be enough to express what Lauren meant to her, and how afraid she had been of loosing her.

"I love you." The words slipped out before she could stop them. She saw Lauren's eyes widen marginally, tears gathering in the corner of them, before she felt Lauren grab her face with both hands and bring their lips together in a heated and demanding kiss. Bo leaned in and started to return the fierce kiss.

So many emotions being communicated, so many feelings and memories were going through her mind. Her heart was racing in her chest. From fear? From worry? Or from relief? Probably some combination of all three.

A few moments later she felt Lauren pull away, the hand resting on her cheek moving to run through her hair. She saw Lauren's eyes starting to water, a small smile slipping onto her face.

"Bo?" Bo nodded before leaning her forehead against Lauren's. She needed to tell her. They couldn't keep doing this dance, she couldn't… if she ever lost Lauren, there would be no coming back. She would never be the same again.

"I can't Lauren. I can't loose you. If I lost you…" Bo whispered as she trailed off. There was nothing she could say, there were no words to convey what she was feeling, the pain she felt at the though of loosing Lauren. She felt the hand Lauren had in her hair come to rest against her cheek again. Bo nuzzled Lauren's nose with hers, taking a moment to try and calm down.

"You're it. You're it, and I can't do anything about it. I'm in love with you and that's it, there's nothing I can do." Bo murmured feeling helpless at the realization. She had always known she loved both Dyson and Lauren, but when put in the situation where she could loose both of them.

"Bo…" She heard Lauren murmur before she felt Lauren press another kiss to her lips. Bo leaned in to return the kiss with equal pressure. There were so many things she wanted to say, so many things she wanted to do.

She wanted to yell at Lauren for being an idiot, a noble idiot, but still an idiot, for nearly sacrificing herself to save Bo. She wanted to make love to Lauren right here and right now, to allow herself to feel every inch of Lauren, to remind herself that Lauren was alive, that she was safe.

She never wanted to let Lauren out of her arms again, afraid that the moment she let go, Lauren would disappear, just like she had in Dyson's memory. But right now she also had to go save a friend.

One that she needed to have a long conversation with, one that she needed to have a seriously long conversation with. This dance between the three of them? It couldn't continue. It was stupid and selfish and immature, she knew who she wanted. It was time to end, and unfortunately the only way for it to end was by breaking a few hearts. But it would also give them all a chance to move on.

She and Lauren also needed to have a long conversation, a very, very long conversation about pretty much everything that had happened during and after their relationship. She also needed to take some time and maybe actually think about her relationship with Lauren and what had happened with them.

She felt Lauren pull away from her a minute later, her thumb stroking her cheek lightly. "Bo? I love you too." She heard Lauren breath out.

Bo pressed her forehead against Lauren's again, closing her eyes and allowed a few tears to leak out.

She could move in a few seconds, she could calm down in a few minutes. But right now she just needed a minute, because she had nearly lost Lauren again. She had nearly lost the woman she loved again.


	2. Realizations of Commitment

Lauren could feel something wet drop onto her cheek, confused she shifted her gaze to meet Bo's, only to be meet with closed eyes and tears running down her cheeks. Lauren felt her heart breaking slightly as she moved her thumb to wipe away one of her stray tears.

"Bo." Lauren cooed moving her hand from her cheek so that she could start running fingers through her lover's hair. What was going through Bo's mind? She rarely allowed herself to cry like this, to allow tears to escape, even when she looked like she was about to cry.

It was a little surreal; actually the last twenty minutes had been surreal. Going into Dyson's memories in order to get Bo, to make sure that she came out alive. The decision had been an easy one to make; she would never let anything happen to Bo if she could prevent it, even if that meant risking her own life.

When she had tied the red string around her ankle she had not expected to come back. Humans couldn't use the power of the red string; they couldn't use it at least without risking their lives. But she had been pulled back, after Bo had left, she had expected to stay in Dyson's memories, she hadn't expected to be able to escape.

But she had, something had given her the strength, given her the power to severe her red string when she shouldn't have been able to. And when she had regained awareness, she had felt Bo kissing her, and as soon as she had enough control over her body she had responded.

When Bo had pulled back, she hadn't spoken, she hadn't said anything, and she hadn't been sure if it was still Bo, or if she had…

She had been so afraid, so afraid that she had lost the woman she loved. And then Bo had spoken, the words she had hoped for, but not expected.

"I love you."

That had been a kind of strange moment for her, she hadn't been completely able to process it.

Bo had said that she loved her without any prompting, without any reason too.

The sound of a small chocked sob escaping brought Lauren back to the present. Bo. Lauren murmured a little before shifting her head slightly to nuzzle Bo's nose with her own, letting a soothing sound escape for her mouth.

"Honey open your eyes… for me, please?" She cooed, her heart starting to break at seeing the normally strong woman in front of her reduced to tears. The term of endearment had slipped into her words without her meaning to, but right now it felt right, it felt natural, and if there was a moment to slip, then it was more then likely this one.

A few seconds passed before she saw Bo open her eyes, her beautiful, watery, brown eyes. Lauren could see the emotions reflected in them: sadness, anger, hurt, love, and relief. All of them shining through in the eyes staring into her own. She brought her hand back to rest on Bo's cheek, moving to wipe the tears that were still leaking out of her eyes away.

But there was also something else, something about the way Bo was looking at her. She was looking at her as if she was the most precious thing in the world. Lauren shifted her head slightly so that she could look at Bo better. A few seconds passed where they simply held each others gazes. Lauren could feel her heart slowly breaking more and more at the vulnerability creeping into Bo's eyes.

She tilted her head up to capture Bo's lips with her own, trying to convey to the woman in front of her what she meant to Lauren, just how much she loved her. That despite everything they had gone through she was here, and she would not walk away.

She felt Bo pull away from her a few seconds later, but she didn't move far, her face still hovering over Lauren's own.

"You're it." She heard Bo murmur again, a tone of finality in her voice, a hint of relief, and awe as if she had just realized what that meant. What did that mean? You're it. Lauren glanced up at Bo again, and saw something reflected in them, something she hadn't seen since Hecuba, since Bo said to her "It's time". And in that moment she knew.

Without Bo saying anything, she knew.

Bo had made her choice. And against all odds it was her.

Lauren leaned up to kiss Bo again, softly, brushing her thumb against her cheek, capturing more tears as they fell from her eye. She felt Bo shifting a hand behind her head, resting it gently against her hair.

Pulling away for a brief moment she felt her mouth moving, heard herself whispering. "It's time"

Yes. It was time. It was their time.

And this time it would always be their time.

Because this was their last chance, their last try.

Bo's declaration didn't change anything; it didn't change the fact that everything between them was still wrong, still toxic, and the fact that they kept hurting each other over and over in a never ending repetition. It didn't change the fact that the woman she loved was different, that she was slowly becoming someone and something else. It didn't change the fact that they were on break, or broken-up, she still wasn't sure herself.

The fact that Bo had betrayed her more then once, the fact that they had both slept with other people.

The fact that Bo had broken her promise of "No Dyson" at least once, if not more times.

The fact that she was caught in a love square with a wolf-shifter, who in some odd way she couldn't bring herself to hate anymore. And in an even odder way was actually her friend, and possibly the only person who could understand her situation.

The person she had competed with Bo's affections for the last two years.

And the newest addition to the odd love triangle, whom ended up turning into a squared. The reason that their relationship had to be put on hold/ended. A far to nosy, and hard to trust Valkyrie, who Bo seemed to like and prioritize above her when they were together.

It couldn't change the fact that towards the end their relationship had become broken without any hope of repair. That the burden of maintaining everything had fallen on her. That despite there being two people in it, everything had fallen to her, just like it always did.

It didn't change the fact that Bo had hurt her, more then once, that she had been cheated on and lied to. That she had been kept out of the loop of the most important events in her girlfriend's life. That she hadn't been allowed to be there and support her, to actually be her girlfriend, instead of only her friend.

It didn't change the fact that after everything that happened with Kenzi, with the Kitsune, with the dawning, they had never talked about it. That they had never talked about what went wrong in their relationship, about what happened at Taft's laboratory and afterwards.

It also couldn't change the fact that she was hopelessly and irrevocably in love with Bo. That despite all of her flaws, her stupidity, her selfishness, her immaturity, her naivety, the fact that they were in a way toxic to each other, that they constantly hurt each other, lied to each other.

She, Lauren Lewis, loved the woman in front of her, Bo Dennis, or Isabeau McCorrigan, without condition, and without reservation. And it was scary as hell.

It didn't change anything. It didn't change the situations she found herself in, the reasons that her heart kept breaking. It didn't change anything about her situation and all the problems she had just thought of. It didn't change the pain and the heart break that she had suffered because of her actions, of Bo's actions, of the fact that the entirety of the world they lived in was against them.

It didn't change the fact that she no longer had a reason to fight for Bo, to fight for them.

Yet it changed everything.

Because she suddenly did have a reason to fight for the brunette in front of her again. To fight for them, or at the very least the hope of them again one day. She suddenly didn't have to worry about that love square coming to haunt her, about those people have the chance to steal Bo away from her.

Because Bo had made a choice, and she had chosen her, of all of them, of the Valkyrie and the wolf-shifter and the insatiably curious human doctor.

She had chosen the insatiably curious human doctor.

Bo had chosen her. The very human her. The very scientist, the very doctory her. The curious human. The oddball. The stupidly naïve human.

This incredibly selfless, big-hearted, vulnerable, afraid, naïve, selfish, immature, childish, so incredibly loving, noble, valiant, stupid, and incredible woman had chosen her.

It meant that Bo had realized something, and hopefully it meant that she was willing to talk.

This all…

It felt…

Surreal.

That was the best word to describe this. Surreal.

As if it were a dream.

She felt herself tearing up at the thought.

If she was still stuck in Dyson's memories. Or if she was dying from using the red string. If this was her dying dream, then at least allow her to slip away in peace.

Lauren pulled away from the kiss again and brought her other hand up to cup Bo's cheek.

It was real. Bo felt solid and real underneath her hands. She could feel the weight of Bo's body leaning on top of her.

She tugged gently on Bo's head until she felt her forehead rest against her own, her breath mingling with Bo's.

She could feel the rise and fall of Bo's chest against her own. She was breathing, taking in oxygen and the other gaseous components of the air surrounding them and expelling carbon dioxide, water vapour and other gases.

Lauren shifted her arms until they were wrapped around Bo's waist, where she pulled slightly, encouraging Bo to rest her weight against her.

Everything felt solid, everything felt real. Bo was breathing, her weight solid, the hand resting against her side had started to trace patterns.

So it is real. Not a dream.

Lauren let out a laugh, as she felt a grin split onto her lips, as tears started to build up behind her eyes. She allowed them to fall.

Looking up she smiled at Bo, whom she could see was starting to cry again, happy tears cascading down her cheeks.

Lauren reached out and cupped her cheek, guiding their lips together again.

Bo was real. This was real. This was solid, and she was solid, they were both solid.

It hit her.

She was happy.

She was honest to god happy.

Bo had chosen her and it was real.

It didn't change their situation, nor did it change the fact that they really needed to talk about pretty everything.

It didn't change the fact that she would not let Bo back into her life as anything other then a friend, without tremendous action and changes on Bo's part.

What it did change was the possible direction of their future.

Suddenly the idea of calling Bo her girlfriend again wasn't the most foreign one.

Suddenly the fantasies she'd entertained for them and dismissed, calling herself an idiot, could become a reality.

Because finally, finally Bo had made a choice, and made a commitment.

And it was to her.

And it changed everything.


	3. Realizations of Change

**A/N: The last chapter. Thank-you to everyone who has favourited and followed this story. A special thank-you to everyone who has left reviews, they are a great pleasure to read. **

**And if anyone wants to know how the talk between Bo and Lauren goes it's essentially the same as Talks New and Long Overdue. **

* * *

Bo allowed her weight to simply just rest against Lauren as they continued to share a slow kiss. She knew Lauren understood her that she had gotten the idea of what she had said. She knew that Lauren understood that she had chosen her.

She knew something else though, that despite the fact she had finally made a choice, finally given them all a chance to move forward. But nothing had changed, just because she made a choice didn't mean that anything else had changed, that anything else in their world had changed.

But still it was a step forward. And now, now it was time to let them have their time again. And Lauren wasn't rejecting her, actually she was accepting her, and she was so happy.

No what she was feeling was elation.

She loved the woman in front of her so much, and the threat of loosing her.

There was no point in returning to the world if Lauren was dead.

She still had Kenzi, and Trick.

Dyson, Hale.

Even Tamsin.

But still it wasn't the same.

If she had lost Lauren. She would rather die then live in the world without that brightness. Without that love.

The world was not worth fighting for.

At least if Lauren was here, even if she hated her, it was still something.

She could at least work on beginning to find a way to win Lauren back.

Or if things were really irreparable between them, and they could not exist as a couple with being toxic to each other.

Then at least they could try and be friends.

Either way she wouldn't loose Lauren, and she would not lose Lauren.

But still… Lauren seemed willing to try. Or at least she hoped she would try.

Because this time, she could not give up without a fight, so long as they both fought, and talked. Lots and lots of talking. But really that could wait a little longer.

A few moments later she felt Lauren disengage the kiss and cup her cheek, a small smile creeping onto her face as tears continued to cascade down her cheek.

"This is real." She heard Lauren whisper. Bo didn't respond, instead she pressed her forehead against Lauren's and one of their cheeks against each other, and simply allowed it to rest there for a few moments. They both remained still for a few moments, although she could feel the tears that were still running down both of their cheeks.

She could feel Lauren's thumb brushing the tears away from her cheek, before she heard Lauren let out another laugh.

"You're real." She heard Lauren breath out into her ear.

"Yeah." Bo replied, before she pressed a kiss to Lauren's cheek.

"Can we talk?" She heard Lauren whisper. "Later. My place? Tonight? So we're not interrupted?"

Bo nodded silently, moving to rest her head lightly against Lauren's shoulder. She felt Lauren's hand come to run through her hair, for a few minutes as she tried to collect herself.

Bo slipped one hand under Lauren's body and allowed it to come and rest at the small of her back, holding her body to her own.

Dyson… she would need to talk to him, or they would need to talk to him together.

Shit she had completely forgotten about Dyson.

The Una Mens still had him.

Bo let out a slight groan. She didn't want to ruin the moment, but she certainly didn't want Dyson to die either.

Gently she tried to pull herself off of Lauren, but the arm wrapped around her waist, held her in place. She could hear Lauren murmuring, letting out soothing sounds. She gave into Lauren's request gently, allowing her forehead to come and rest against Lauren's for a few moments.

"We need to go rescue Dyson."

She could hear Lauren sigh before she let go, sitting up slightly. Bo slid back slightly, straddling Lauren.

"I know. But you're mine afterwards. We really need to talk Bo. No more ambiguity, we lay it all out, okay?" Bo nodded before she reached out to pull Lauren into a hug.

"Yeah. I know." She whispered into Lauren's ear. She could feel Lauren's arms coming to wrap around her waist and pull her close.

"No Dyson right?" Bo whispered a few moments later. She could feel Lauren freeze before she pulled back, a small look of shock slipping onto her face.

Bo smiled sadly before she looked at her again, and leaned her forehead against Lauren's again. "I promised you no Dyson. Our one rule. I'll start following it again. I'm sorry." Bo whispered.

She could see Lauren tearing up slightly and fidgeting a little under her. She averted her eyes before saying. "Thank-you."

Bo nodded before she leaned in to kiss Lauren again.

"I love you." She whispered when she pulled away again a few moments later.

"I love you too. No matter what." She heard Lauren whisper.

* * *

As they entered the Dahl Bo glanced over at Dyson, when she saw him smile at her. Bo gave him a weak smile in return and quickly turned her head to glance at Lauren, who was trailing behind them slightly, munching at her hotdog. Bo smiled a little at her as she slowed down slightly, waiting for Lauren to catch up to her.

Thankfully they had managed to find the shoe and bring it to the Una Mens lair in time to save Dyson, and Kenzi who had also apparently ended up in the cage with Dyson. Bo glanced over at the young woman a fond smile creeping onto her face at the look Kenzi was giving Hale. It was nice to finally see her best friend happy, at least one dance had ended.

Bo glanced between Lauren and Dyson, there didn't seem to be any of the tension between them like there used to be, but still.

The last thing she wanted was them to go back to competing for her attention.

She had chosen Lauren, and for better or worse she had to stick by that choice.

Really it was one she had made a long time ago. Just one that she had never admitted to herself that she'd made.

To bad it had taken nearly loosing her, and being forced to face the reality of a world without Lauren for that to happen.

Seriously how stupid was she?

And immature, she needed to add that to the list of her many offences.

Bo sighed, sometimes self-realization hurt like hell.

The fact was towards the end their relationship was toxic, was another saddening but true realization.

No matter what that could not happen again. Even if it took someone hitting her over the head with an anvil to get her to realize that she was heading in that direction again, it could not happen.

It could never happen that way again.

They would not get back together just because they had one conversation.

It would be a long and painful process most likely.

They needed to see if they could fit together as _them_ again, or if they were better off as friends.

Bo nearly snorted in laughter at her own thoughts.

She and Lauren had never been friends; they never had been and probably never could be. The time they had been "friends" has resulted in an explosion of sexual tension, as well as some weird form of pseudo-romantic relationship friendship hybrid, which really was just a relationship without labels.

Bo sighed and shook her head.

She did not get to me immature and focus only on herself when she was suppose to be in a relationship with someone.

Loving and taking care of yourself was one thing, putting yourself above everyone else all of the time was not. Especially when you're putting your needs ahead of your girlfriends when you have no reason to.

And that's exactly what she had done with the Dawning.

No matter what, that could never happen again.

Bo shook her head to clear her thoughts. She really needed to stop thinking about getting back together with Lauren. Tonight was just talking and nothing more.

A chance for them to clear the air of what happened between them, what lead to Lauren calling the break and running off to Taft. And apparently whatever else had happened while she was on the run.

She needed to tell Lauren about what happened with the Wanderer, the little that she could remember at least.

Especially about that mark on her chest, the one that the Wanderer most likely put there to mark her. Bo shuddered slightly at the thought.

Her only other thing to confess was already out of the bag. Although that didn't mean that she had nothing else to say.

She had a hell of a lot of things to apologize for.

Really she wasn't even sure where to start with the apologies, to Lauren, and to Dyson. Probably Tamsin to. Kenzi as well, especially lately for being so short with her.

Bo sighed as her thoughts wandered to what had been happening between her and Dyson lately.

Turning to Dyson had been a mistake. And one that she could not easily correct unfortunately.

She had used him in the worst way possible and there was no getting around that.

He had been a fuck toy and nothing more.

One of her best friends reduced to a sex toy.

That was completely and utterly pathetic on her part.

Bo shook her head and sighed. She owed Lauren an explanation of what happened with Dyson, why they were having sex again, and to apologize for breaking her rule.

Even if they were on break, really she should have known better.

She got Dyson's hopes up, making him think he had a chance again. When he didn't.

She was a shitty person wasn't she?

She also needed to tell Dyson that they wouldn't be sleeping together any longer. There was no way that she was about to go down that messy road again, especially since he has his love back.

Something she way have purposely forgotten at times.

She really had been a horrible person over the past few months hadn't she?

What happened to her?

The Wanderer, the Dawning.

Something else was there to.

Something darker.

Something that she could not escape because it was in her very core. Written into her DNA.

She needed to talk to Trick about this, and she needed to talk to Lauren about this.

She was the only one who brought any level of sanity back to her it seemed.

Being around Lauren was calming in a way that being around everyone else wasn't.

Why?

She and Lauren needed to talk about that.

There might be something more, something deeper then their mutual love, going on there. Especially if Lauren was the only person who brought back some level of stability and sanity to her.

Her thoughts were interrupted when she felt a hand coming to rest on her hip. She jumped slightly before she realized that it was only Lauren. Glancing up she saw a worried look on her face.

"Bo? Are you okay?"

"Yeah. I am now." She murmured as she leaned over to peck Lauren on the cheek.

When she pulled back she shrugged a little. "Just thinking."

She saw a somewhat amused smile cross Lauren's lips. "Since when do you think about anything?" she teased gently.

Bo laughed slightly before she replied. "Since I fell in love with a nerd who does nothing but think."

She could hear Lauren laugh in response. "I fell in love with a sex machine, I think I've got you beat."

Bo smiled before she reached out to grab Lauren's hand unconsciously. Just as her fingers were about to intertwine with Lauren's she stopped herself. That was not her place anymore, or at least it wasn't for now.

But to her surprise a few seconds later she felt Lauren reach out and lace their fingers together, a small grin slipping onto her face before a serious expression replaced it a moment later.

"Right now I won't say anything either way Bo, I was serious when I said we need to talk." Bo nodded.

"I know, I wasn't trying to…"

"I know. It's okay. You can hold my hand if you want to, I don't really mind, it's nice to have some contact, especially after the craziness of today." Bo smiled slightly and squeezed Lauren's hand to let her know that she understood. It may only be a temporary thing but after the day they'd had it was understandable to want some kind of contact.

"Bo? For now we're whatever we are, no labels and no agreements okay?" Bo nodded and smiled slightly.

It was Lauren's way of telling her that they weren't friends, but at the same time they weren't more really, they were for now some grey area in between. They understood that they loved each other, and she understood that there was to be no Dyson, but other then that there was no exclusivity and no expectations. For now that was probably what they needed. A more relaxed atmosphere to let them reconnect and find both themselves and each other again.

But Bo could also feel a small flutter in her stomach because it also meant that Lauren was open to the idea of getting back together. But they would have to take it at her pace. She called the break, and it would have to be a mutual decision for them, if and when they were ready to give dating another shot.

Bo could feel Lauren tugging on her hand slightly, pulling her towards the two empty barstools, one next to Dyson and one at the end of the table. Bo nodded before smiling as they started to walk towards the bar.

She could see Dyson look up at her, a smile on his lips, before he glanced over at Lauren, and then glanced at their joined hands. His gaze going between her, Lauren, and their joined hand.

Bo looked Dyson in the eye and mouthed, "We need to talk later."

She could see Dyson nod mutely, his shoulders slumping slightly.

Bo sighed. She didn't know whether to be grateful or sad that he could understand the message that she was trying to send. She was grateful because it would most likely stop him from questioning her decisions too much, but also sad that she had to break his heart.

* * *

Bo played with Lauren's hair as she slept against her chest.

It felt so good to have Lauren in her arms again. So good to have her sleeping curled up against her again.

She could feel the smile that had split onto her lips earlier still there. It was actually causing her cheeks to start to ache, but she couldn't stop smiling.

She hadn't been able to stop smiling for a long time.

It was so weird how the night had gone.

Lots of talking and lots of tears. A lot of tears. A whole lot of tears.

When was the last time she had cried that much?

Not in a very long time, probably not since what had happened with Kyle.

And it was the first time that she had ever seen Lauren break into full on sobs.

God some of those discoveries were awful, she'd made Lauren feel so bad. She'd never thought that it had been that bad.

But it had been, and it had been awful to see Lauren talking to her through tears and sobs.

Not that she hadn't had her fair share of tears and crying during that time, including talking through her own tears and sobs.

It had been a huge mutual cry fest.

Why was it that when one woman cried she seemed to set the other one off? It was something that she had noticed in her relationship with Lauren. If one of them started to cry they both usually ended up in tears.

She needed to ask Lauren about that later.

Her thought process was broken briefly when she felt Lauren shift against her slightly, grabbing her tightly, and letting out a little strangled cry.

"Shh. Lauren I'm right here." She murmured tightening her grip on Lauren slightly. She could feel her heart breaking slightly for Lauren and what she had gone through.

She had been more explicit about what had happened to get her into the Dark's protection.

She couldn't imagine what Lauren had gone through. She could even feel a little sympathy for Crystal, even if she felt like killing the woman for hurting Lauren like that. But still… to be locked up in a dungeon after being kidnapped?

That was just horrible all around.

But totally like the Dark.

Bo sighed. Lauren had said she had no idea what had happened to Crystal, only that she was safe, and not being used as food for some Fae.

They were hanging Crystal over her, was what she had gather from Lauren's story. They weren't actively threatening her, just using her as a bargaining chip to try and get Lauren to work for them.

That at least made a little more sense in the overall picture, and also went with what she knew about them. They weren't actively pressuring Lauren, she was free to make that decision, but Crystal was some added incentive to make a certain one.

Bo could hear Lauren let out another murmur. Smiling fondly she started to run her fingers through Lauren's hair again.

It was something that she had learned when they first started dating.

Lauren would sometimes have nightmares, or at least she thought they were nightmares, although she never seemed to remember them in the morning.

But she had learned that playing with Lauren's hair tended to put her to sleep fairly quickly, as well as helping to soothe any nightmares or restlessness.

Bo smiled fondly at the woman resting against her chest.

She wouldn't exchange the feeling of having Lauren in her arms for anything else in the world.

She finally felt balanced again, more like herself then she had in the last little while. And that was most likely due to Lauren.

Bo smiled and shook her head slightly against the pillow.

Where would she be if she had said what she hadn't given into the impulse to say I love you? If she hadn't allowed herself those moments to let her thoughts drift?

Probably anywhere but here.

There was still a whole lot of stuff for them to work out, but at least now, she had a better idea of where they stood, what had gone wrong, and what needed to change.

She never thought that actually siting down and talking with someone could be so relieving, but it was.

She was a complete and utter idiot.

She glanced down at Lauren again who appeared to have settled for the time being, and smiled again.

She loved this woman more then she had thought possible for her to love anyone in her life.

And thankfully she had actually realized it this time.

So she was going to treasure this feeling and this love, allow it to be nurtured and grown.

And she wasn't going to stop fighting for Lauren, and for them ever.

This time there was no giving up and no easy way out.

She was in it for the long-haul.

No running.

No cheating.

No lying.

No neglect.

No self-centredness.

Only love.

Only her love for Lauren.

Her friends and her adoptive family.

There was no messing up this time because it was their last shot.

She would fight against the world if she had to.

But she would show Lauren that she was:

Wanted.

Loved.

Cared For.

First Priority.

And most of all

Worth it.

No more backing down and no more running.

This was her choice and her world.

She loved Lauren.

And that was it.

The rest can come in the morning when they had to face the world again.

But for tonight she had Lauren in her arms and that was all that matter.


End file.
